PicsArt_1431904737655This is a repost of my first TToT post. Two weeks later I became a host… pretty cool huh?



You know, last week Mrs. Always Random let her dog write the entry for the TToT. I would let “DOUGLAS” do it. but to be honest,

he is far more literate than I and I’m afraid he wouldn’t give up the reigns once he had them. Then I thought…HARRIETTE! I could let Harriette write it… but to be honest on THAT front… chickens just aren’t that articulate… SO instead I decided to write it myself but what to do, what to do… sometimes you just want to acknowledge reality y’know? …BUT , what about…




There are links to most of these all around the blog but really who’s gonna keep hitting them… so if you want one… let me know in comments…

1. Of course who could forget the tour guide gets killed? Classic… for those of you not in the know, I went on a short jaunt through Lizzi country (actually England, Scotland and Wales) only to be booked on the wrong tour (turned out to be a geriatric bus tour) and to have our tour guide… waaaiiittttt for it…. get killed….. by the bus…. yeah, you read it right…Of course the obvious is I wasn’t the one killed, but really it taught me a lot that day about the impermanence of life and taking that for granted.

2, Then there was the rollover accident. I found myself hanging from the seat belt while the car rested up on its passenger side … yeah ok I broke my wrist when I unbuckled the seat belt. But that’s just being an idiot not luck… It could have been sooooo much worse. I could have gone under the tractor trailer truck that jackknifed in front of me instead of skidding off the road. I could have died or broken so much more… Incidentally, unless you suspect the car is about to explode like some bad TV show, NEVER unbuckle the seat belt… people suffer serious (paralyzing) spinal cord injuries that way…

3. Okay how about my boy Doug… My first week with Doug he gave me stitches. I threatened to return his surly little carcass to the SPCA but look at us now…Poor guy had a hard life before this…

 Nuff said…

4. When my car got stolen it was found and repaired. The insurance company came through.

5. When my car got stolen again… it was found and repaired . Yeah, insurance!

6. When my car got stolen the third time… it was stripped on the street because it had a lock on the engine… If your car does not leave your street and sustains any sort of damage that is not from being hit by another car, it is termed vandalism… make sure you are insured for vandalism… I wasn’t.

So I had the car repaired and was able to get rid of it, even though I decided to be honest and tell the guy it had been stolen and stripped three times.  Best part? I never heard from the guy again so I guess the car didn’t give him any trouble.

7. I have an incurable blood problem… its pretty freaking serious crap and puts me under from time to time… usually old men in their 70s get it… I got it in my 20s… and I am not male. In the world of disease it progresses very slowly and is considered incurable… I know it sounds trite but if you have to get something deadly, it might as well be something you can live with….

Let’s hear it for pokey progression! YEAH!

8 . While taking off my pullover jacket in a crowded store at Christmas time I accidentally removed my shirt as well… You know what? That one had no redeeming factors except that it was ridiculously funny and I still think it is! Standing around in your bra on the up escalator in a crowded IKEA…c’mon… that’s funny even when it happens to you!

9. I am frequently approached by psychics who feel compelled to tell me about my auras…  I often find this irritating but have to admit while it’s pretty bizarre…. it’s kinda special.

10. These are just the tip of the proverbial iceberg…
I mean there was the attack of the killer oranges…
The “You can keep your lousy ring”incident…
the “I know its a flood but no one unscrewed the pipe it just blew!” incident…
the year of “OMG how many times is that Christmas tree gonna fall over?”…
The six months of  ” How long have I been walking on a broken knee?”…
the unforgettable “my client’s cat just bit me! He’s on rabies watch?” …
I didn’t know you could get shingles in your eyes…
3am the house and car keys just fell down the sewer…
2am blizzard “You didn’t lock the keys in the car! Tell me you didn’t lock the keys in the car!”…
Or there was “Why are those guys following us? Oh, My God, RUN!”…
Then there was the break in. ” Who are you? Get the hell outta my kitchen. YOU BROKE MY DOOR?!…
… and lest we forget, standing in the middle of a shifting gang-plank and hearing “Run! Run up the plank!” about five seconds before it drops twenty feet into the ocean.


May 16, 2015: In retrospect maybe I should have let Harriette write it?


25 thoughts on “I GOT ALL NOSTALGIC : THIS IS MY FIRST TToT POST 9/29/13

  1. No, no, no! I’m glad you wrote it. One of these days, I’d love to hear the longer version of each of those incidents.



    1. frist… I wrote it two years ago… I really find these things kind of funny when viewed as a collective… outside of actual death of course… but really … the other stuff… all together… kind of funny…. sick sense of humor I guess.


  2. Let me rephrase—I know you’ve written about many of these incidents already. I’d love to have you add the links to those posts, as well as write about the ones you haven’t already.


    1. The link offer was on the original post… the links are actually on my old blog that is blocked now because of a troll. oh well… I cant think of which I would write about now anyhow…whats done is done. If you really want links you can have access to the old blog. No worries about the accumulation of these things… I cant imagine what caused me to write about all of them in one place back in 2013 … although now that I look at the date … I was driving back and forth to Maryland weekends… All I can figure is I was fairly stressed and bled it out on paper.


      1. Oh that’s right–the blog change. I did read the links back when you originally posted this. I’m glad you said you found the collection of these things funny. I have laughed at some situations in my own life that others would probably not find funny. However, I figure that in times of stress it is either cry or laugh–and I’d rather laugh.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. No! This was a fabulous read! I wish I started reading you way back when. I want to know every single one of these stories. In great detail. I was tickled by the irony of you cheering for insurance coverage. Car, not health, of course. But still.


  4. I remember when you posted this! I know it’s terrible, but I snicker every time I read the tour bus story and the Ikea incident. Can you hear me from there?


  5. OH my gosh – the car insurance thing? Seriously? After the recent insurance stuff? You can’t make up stuff that great. Like Sarah said, oh the irony. Meanwhile, the car was stolen THREE TIMES??? Wow.
    Accidentally removing the shirt while removing the pullover – sounds like something I may or may not have done once. Or twice. This is my life.
    This was cool. I finally found my first – I’ve been in this longer than I thought I was! That was a fun surprise.


    1. It was kind of fun to look back right? Its kind of like reading an old journal or something.

      I know the insurance thing too right? Yup three times and it wasnt a great car… they kept stealing it for parts so finally I either had to stop repairing it or sell it.


  6. Wow. I had to have read this two years ago, but I don’t remember many of the stories. My goodness my memory stinks!
    Yup. I’m going to visit and I will do nothing but sit and listen to stories. Your nightmare. 🙂


  7. hahahaha this was ONE WEEK? You should have your own show.
    This sentence:
    Let’s hear it for pokey progression! YEAH!
    That ^ is ^ everything ^ sometimes, isn’t it?


    1. No… This was written the weekend I had to start going to Baltimore for some heavy family stuff and I think I was just trying to purge some bad jou jou by reframing a few bad incidents. POKEY!!!!


    1. Heres the good news… It wasnt all one week! I look at the date this was written and know I was having a really stressful weekend and I probably was looking to salvage my mood by looking back at a lot of stuff and where it could have turned around into something funny. So yeah, it all happened but probably over a few years. Stupid does tend to be attracted to me.


  8. Seriously? Oh. my. GOSH what a life you LIVE!! Wow Ivy… you are one amazing WARRIOR!!!

    Some seriously crazy mishaps and moments… and I love your spunky wit to make me giggle at it all- despite some of its serious nature. 🙂


  9. This list would be hilarious if it weren’t so awful! If you know what I mean. I’m glad it’s all in the past now. I have had years like that. Well, not exactly like that. But bad years.


  10. Well, Ivy. I wonder if those interesting auras of yours contribute to the Curious Adventures of Ivy Walker. 🙂 I’m getting a montage view of the life of Ivy. I can imagine the laughter (IKEA), the fear (upside down in a car), the shock (bus driver), the resignation, (blood disease), the — attack of the killer oranges?


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