Apparently the Trick is to Really Wallow In It

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I could take a lesson from my dog and others. I am so stuck. I have mentioned this before, but man I’m stuck. Apparently I’m not enjoying the mud enough. Maybe that’s why I’m not getting out of it. I’ve finally identified what’s holding me back. It a set of three things. So maybe I can better pull myself from the mud now that I know what’s in it. I talked to a friend (my best) about it and he as always suggested/demanded writing. Sigh. Then I spoke to my therapist about it (cuz y’know you can’t spit without hitting a therapist in therapy… bunch of wounded healers that we are). The following is part of a conversation that took place:

“You know what I’m going to say. I’ve said it to you before. I say it all the time, but I’m going to say it again.”

“What? Say it, go ahead I dare ya…. Say it.”

“F****** write something!” We were now both talking at the same time. “You’re good at it! You know how to edit yourself! You have a great story if you weren’t so reticent all the time to tell it! It’s free and it won’t take a toll on your body!” 

While at the same speed I whined “You don’t get it. I have no ideas! I talk to people who write and they have TOO MANY ideas. I had ONE…I am a get-things-done person … I am NOT the Mickey Rooney character who says ‘I have an idea! Let’s put on a show!’ I’m Judy Garland saying ‘Yeah, my dad has a barn and we can be the actors!’ What she doesn’t say is ‘if someone comes up with an idea for a plot, cuz I don’t have any freakin’ ideas!’”

So I spent some time writing about this … This piece goes on, but I’m not posting it because he’s right, I AM reticent… this is a big deal for me to say this much… (apparently repeatedly doesn’t matter as much! lol) I wrote about it because I didn’t want to have to tell them both I didn’t try it before I told them they were wrong… Okay , maybe they’re not, but I’m not sure yet…. anyway… that’s the pulse of what’s going on in my head… let’s move on…

1. Misery loves company… I have read a few other posts … not alone out here that’s for sure.

2. But it also loves it when others are doing  better… read some other posts as well that went in the other direction…

3. What’s App is a cool free app and I am really grateful for it… I got some “talking” done with a few folks this week…

****oh, BTW! He liked the untouched photo! **** don’t worry if you don’t know what that means it was meant as a coded message! doo, dee, doo, doo….****

4.unnamed (3) This is from a calendar in my office. The little rainbow in the lower left corner is penguin shaped and not in the original photo . It is a projection from a prism in my office window that shoots rainbows all over the room in the morning. Its great, and I love how this one landed in just the right spot! I sent the photo to Richard who gave me the calendar and Barb who gave me the prism…The Christmas gifts that keep on giving! Thanks you guys!

unnamed (1) 5. I’m happy to live in a place where the girls can run free range… They are really happy chickens… well, gauging it by my meter they are. It’s like having 20 little pets… they come running whenever they see one of us come out of the house… I’m not sure why because we don’t feed them outside of the coupe… so you would think they would just keep on doing what they’re doing… That’s Dyanne’s girl Daisy Dillon up there!

6. This is a picture in the oncology infusion center. I really love it… it’s my favorite and there is a ton of art there that I’m sure is much more recognized, maybe even better… but it’s the original painting and I love the colors. It makes me happy to see it …unnamed (7)when you have to be there anyway there should be good stuff to see. The people there are like that too. Colorful, originals, and I like seeing them.

7. Have I mentioned Doug lately? He wanders pretty free as well…unnamed (6)

8. We have a great back deck that Doug and I got to enjoy when I was writing about bitching at my therapist…

unnamed (5) unnamed (8) huh?

9.unnamed (4) I love seeing this little wren hanging out in her birdhouse on the front lawn… That’s her little head poking out up there. It’s also the end of the lilacs… got one more big bunch from them…unnamed (2)

10.unnamed Finally got to the post office to mail out my 100 TToT box… Look for it! Our post office is a unique and wonderful place. If you live in a small town you most likely know of what I speak… It’s quite the little Maybarry- esque place… It’s in a house and it’s very tiny, the back wall practically hits you in the face when you walk in. The post master is a hoot that decorates for every season, and I suspect she creates a few of her own. There is always free zucchini surplus in the summer and often free samples from our local Avon person… this week was bath gel…feaf8345653810535f6005051b53d90c

The shingles have progressed, and the day after infusion is a bit hairy so I have today off…. a mixed blessing… one part “ding dong the witch is dead,” one part “Really, this is my one Saturday off?” … Enjoy the mud, Enjoy the mud…. Have a good weekend…

I’m off to lie down for a bit… C’mon Doug!unnamed (5)

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36 thoughts on “Apparently the Trick is to Really Wallow In It

  1. I totally get the RETICENT stuff. I think when you sit down to write the story that you want to write, it will write itself. For me, I’m just not sure I’m ready to face (as in relive) or share certain stuff. I’m figuring when the time is right, it will flow. Love the rainbow penguin-amazing. And Doug – love him. Enjoy your hopefully, relaxing weekend.

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  2. I love the penguin photo – I have a modest collection of them here because I like the cheeriness and cheekiness of them. Doug looks pretty darned happy on your porch, I would say he’s figured out that porches are the best part of summer!

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  3. Oh the mud. I’ve been wallowing in it a bit myself this past week … but haven’t really been enjoying it. TToT helped me get a lot of it washed off and now I feel much happier – much lighter without carrying all that dirt on me. Hope it’s done the same for you to some degree and that you have a wonderfully relaxing weekend. 🙂

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  4. …they have TOO MANY ideas. I had ONE…

    (feel free to provide your own, audio-voiceover throat-clearing sound, not limited to “ahem! said the distinguished gentleman in the back of the room*”)
    Being a clark, I live by the worldview-tenet that knowledge (and her quiet, but under-the-frumpy-clothes-really-hot sister) Understanding is power… let me remind you that 99% of writer’s block is a totally over-amped internal critic (‘that sucks! it’s not good enough! don’t write that!!!‘)
    I have it on good authority that if you’re willing to engage in conversation with friends and people, you can write blog posts.

    …said the guy with the blog devoted to a single idea… 1300 posts later

    *like, where else is a clark going to sit in a gathering?

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  5. Wallow away!
    I wish I had a bunch of lilacs to perfume my house with. All done, all done.
    I’m feeling so much better but slightly annoyed that I’m expected to get up and do as I usually do. Am I not still recovering? Oh, well, the life of a family goes on.

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  6. I’m glad you have people to talk to. Journaling–even without sharing–can be insightful. I hope you get unstuck soon. I’m available if you need another person to talk to.

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  7. Maybe my eyes are getting really bad, cuz I’m little less young than I used to was. But I would swear that dog at the top is rolling in OIL. Maybe on the west coast, after that terrible spill. Kinda like the Koch brothers (though I think they tend to roll in their oil profit$, not the oil itself). Do you and Douglas want to roll in oil? Might be good; please let me know.

    Maybe I should take up journaling again. Why not. Might keep me out of trouble. (What trouble?)

    I’m glad you’ve got all your pets — hens, dog, and an occasional Bear. My “pets” are Tent Caterpillars. Hundreds of them. Climbing all over everything. Would you like me to send you some?

    Blessings and Bear hugs (from this Bear, that is — not so sure about your Bear; perhaps you are not well enough acquainted yet)! Do hope you are soon better. Best regards to Douglas Himself!

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  8. Welllllll at least you wrote it. There’s that. And your therapist was right. And sometimes even just WRITING the things helps them to untangle in our minds.

    Glad you have company and glad you’re glad for those who are doing better. I’m glad for whatsapp and conversations with you.

    I was gonna say something else and now I forgot. Damn.

    Nice rainbow 🙂

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  9. I’m sorry you feel stuck, but at least you found some comfort in knowing you are not alone. If all else fails, hug Doug!

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  10. Love the pictures, both your calendar and the painting in the doctor’s office. I met with a new friend for the first time this week, and she has pictures, paintings, and drawings of sunflowers all over her living room. Got to love people who enjoy sun flowers 🙂 Happy that Doug gets to run free, just like the chickens. Do they get along?

    Have a wonderful week, Ivy!

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    1. Doug used to chase after the chickens but now that he’s gotten older he tends to just tolerate them. he’s been known to just go down to the coop and sit down and let them just kind of groom him a little bit

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  11. Very cool “re-photo”. I like it. I have some pictures I took at a Scorpions concert in the late 80’s. Didn’t know much about 35mm then or maybe it was that I was using expired film but let me tell you, I got a few crazy kinda pics back lol

    Mud? Did you say “stuck”? “Mudstuck” is my middle name lol. It’s there Zoe. I know it. You know it. I find the more I angst about it, the worse it gets and I’m totally convinced I don’t have another single word to write. Ever. The trick is to try and let it go. Just let it go. Then be damned sure you’re near a computer when the drip turns into a deluge!!

    Is it me or does Doug on the Range appear to have matching highlights with the patio furniture?!

    P.S. I’ve missed so, so many posts. How is it you got shingles and I did not know!

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    1. yeah much. Kind of sucks. I’m not really convinced about the writing thing to be honest.as far as Doug matching the furniture I think you might be seeing tense of pink through his thinning hair. he’s kind of like one of those little old ladies with the white hair that you can see their pink scalps.
      hey I didn’t mean to get all weird on your girly site I was just taking skip out for a walk and didn’t have the reserve to comment at that point I had started to write something and was too lazy to delete it. and you know…..moving a job that requires you to be on the road a good part of your work day just to get there and back not to mention life in general would probably take up enough of your time that reading blog posts is one of the lower priorities. not to mention that I don’t know if I mentioned the shingles before last week and that was only once. so quit your worrying about that stuff that’s not a big deal at all how could you possibly keep tabs on everything? okay so I just dictated that comments / reply so if it says all kinds of weird autocorrect things it’s because I’m just too tired / lazy to reread it right now and I know you’ll forgive the weirdness of it well maybe I just hope you will have a good week in your new place!

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      1. okay I did start to read it when a mistake it’s not supposed to say “okay much” it supposed to say “okay mud stuck. I”I’m just going to give up and not read the rest forgive me.

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  12. I’m still working on my TToT box. It’s going out on Tuesday! I promise!
    Stuck is not a fun place to be. I hope the writing can help you get unstuck, whether you share it or not.
    Here I thought it was just your property that was so lovely. I didn’t know you had such a peaceful porch on which to admire the lovely property! I sighed a sigh of relief just seeing the photo.

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  13. Yeah I sit back there and write if im home during the day. It is a great porch.
    I dont do great getting to the post office. …im just glad I got it out before nect TTOT birthday!
    Hate stuck. I would appreciate a prayer if you’re still giving them away !
    🙂

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  14. I don’t think I”m quite enjoying my mud well enough, either. I’m going to try that. Right now I”m feeling extreme pressure and a definite time crunch. Hoping…praying…
    I love lilacs…remind me of my Grandmother. She had a beautiful tree in her yard. Absolutely stunning. The scent takes me back there…
    OK, so now your post made me cry. Is it the mud wallow thing? The Grandmother thing? I dunno.
    Glad the shingles have passed…you are right that misery loves company but also loves when others are pulling out of the muck and misery.
    Shit…my TToT box is on the “take to the post office” pile with three other things. Like I said…lots of mud lately.

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    1. oh no! Dont cry! Im so happy I am not alone in the box mailing thing… I am so bad at the postal service… youd think I was riding my damned horse across the freakin country with a letter in my hand… instead of spittin on the back of a stamp… I dont even have to do that anymore! Im awful about it…

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  15. Confession: I had to google reticent.
    So there’s that.
    I find that I have a lot going on in my head but I tend to keep it there rather than share it. I’ll get to my psych’s office and say “I feel like shit” and that sums it up. It would be so much easier if they could just read thoughts.
    Journaling is a good thing. I do it all the time. Rolling in the mud looks like it could be therapeutic although you might end up in the hospital — just sayin 🙂
    I just brought in a beautiful vase full of peonies from my garden and my home smells glorious. You wouldn’t think they’d smell that much but they really do. I would love lilacs but my husband is allergic to them!! Weird eh?
    I hope that you get unstuck a bit this week.

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    1. so many people are allergic to lilacs! I would take the peonies any day! I love them! Thanks I plan to get unstuck… I read your post but couldnt get my stupid phone to comment… made me teary… so lovely… I should get back there on my real computer when I get a chance! Your grandma looks like she was a lot of fun!

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