I wasn’t gonna do a second TToT cuz I’ve been kinda pushing it lately . I haven’t really been feeling it, y’know? Today was a difficult anniversary and it isn’t something I usually linger too much on… I’m not an anniversary kinda gal unless it’s the good kind. Then I got to thinking about Father’s Day . My father has been gone some time. It hasn’t bothered me in the too recent past, but for some reason, I thought it might have been nice to find him something special for Father’s Day if he were still around. Yesterday I was at my therapist office and discussed feeling a bit burnt lately. It seems there’s a ton of that going around. Many of my friends whom I work with are in the same boat. I think people are getting more depressed in general, and the world a bit more unpredictable or maybe even more predictable, but in a bad way. No matter how defended you are, or how many coping skills you have to deal with it, that can take a toll on anyone.
But then I read the comments on today’s blog post. I was reminded about the art work my partner was so wonderful at creating, and the atmosphere that surrounded him. He was a die hard minimalist so I have few tangible memories of him. Today was a difficult day but I tortured and gifted myself with reading some old letters that were sent shortly before we think he was killed. I hadn’t read them in years. It wasn’t a bad choice.
I also told a few pertinent yet funny stories about my father today. About how his clothing never matched or how he continually wore the same clothes despite the fact that when he died I was cleaning out whole (matching) outfits from his closet and dresser with tags still on them. About how every time one of us went to a state fair or some carnival we would buy him a maple man because we knew he loved them, only to find the top drawer of his dresser full of petrified maple men after he died. My mother later told me he hated them, but knew we all got a kick out of finding one for him whenever we could.
I spoke to two friends of mine who are currently out on medical leave. They both feel physically bad enough that they can’t work. I can work. I can do my job and I do have coping skills to make it through the brief periods of emotional fatigue. I was also notified of a national honor of recognition today from a client nomination. Something I would have never expected. I don’t need recognition, but what a gift at a time when you question whether anything you’re doing is making a difference.
So yeah, it’s been a real mixed bag, but it’s my bag and although it started out very heavy it seems to have lightened up some. I’m grateful for that.
I was sooo grateful for this photo on Kristi’s blog… I do so want a sphinx cat but it’s too cold here! I am also grateful for Kristi who in her unwavering patience has been ultra-supportive of my endeavors to create a more spiritual life (something that has waned since the death of my partner). She has sent literature, offered guidance, books and now this wonderful-bald-one-eyed-kitty-cat photo with our best boy Drexel!
I am thankful for reconciliation.
As much as I joke about my mother, I am grateful at the age of 86 she is still able to live independently. I am grateful to be able to help her out with dinners, and grocery shopping, and that despite her disinterest if not downright dislike of most animals, she still greets Doug with open arms and “How’s Meme’s boy?!” She has never been an animal fan and I don’t know what it is that has enamored her with Douglas, but I will take it. When my last pet of twenty years died she said, “Well, it’s about time.” I think when Doug goes she may be more upset.
I’m thankful for friends who help, and feel free enough to let me help as well. It’s nice to don my other business hat once in a while as a PT. It’s also nice to just go where you’re needed to cook dinner for friends. Or to vacuum, or pick up a prescription. It’s nice to be needed.
For some silly reason this is stuck in my head…
My most recent remembrance of it is from the credits of the SpongeBob SquarePants Movie.