This is Far Less Stream of Conciousness and More Just-Plain Chattiness

cropped-8873592475_f4b5a05130_b.jpgI’ve been pretty bored and frustrated because of being layed up most of the winter. If you’ve read anything I’ve written this week, you know I’ve been trying to remedy the boredom with writing but….I’m blocked! I’ve been doing a lot of random-thoughts posts this week. Today that format seems to have converted to the Chatty-Kathy format.

In the “you-can’t -spit-without-hitting-a-therapist-in-therapy-department,” I tried writing more this week. Last week it was a miserable failure. SO much so that I actually spent time in therapy on it… sign of a problem is if you’re willing to pay to talk about it. This week wasn’t quite as bad, but it’s still not an easy flow, and  I’m really pushing to write every day.  What do you guys do when you’re relentlessly blocked? It’s been a loooooong time for me. I’ve tried different prompts and exercises. My therapist (who is himself a published author) thinks I have a ton of material, but am not digging deep enough or something like that…What does he know? Actually he knows quite a bit but still…. I need to grouse… It’s a real luxury having a really good therapist who’s willing to listen to my whining, but I often feel like a jerk talking about stuff like this… It’s so first-world-problem.

I actually “met” an internet friend on the phone last night. It was so much more fun than texting back and forth on the little Words With Friends (WWF) screen. We originally met when WWF set us up as playing partners . We later discovered that we live only moments from each other and made efforts to actually meet, but it never materialized for some reason or another as things like this so often go. Hopefully we will soon actually meet in person.

download (6)Yesterday in Six Sentence Stories,  I wrote something about a recurring dream I have. I really am over the majority of what that dream is about; it’s just one of those psych things. With my therapy hat on, I would say that when other parts of my life (eg. health) get out of hand, I start to feel more vulnerable, and then I subconsciously let the cupboards of my mind fall open, and I start to revisit things that have made me feel more vulnerable in the past. I got the impression from some of the comments though, that people thought I wasn’t moving on. You don’t move on much from losing a spouse. I am presuming even less so if there is some mystery around their disappearance, and residual hints of unnecessary guilt on your part. But I think I am over as well as I can be. Just because I write about it doesn’t mean I’m in trouble with it or anything. I mention this because I know people get concerned, but you know… it’s at least something to write about…

A friend and I are meeting for lunch today. She does the billing for my private practice. She is a very cool gal. She is leaving this week to take her ten-year old grandson on a vacation to visit his aunt so we have to get one of our regular lunches in before she leaves. We used to go to this fabulous place in town, but it closed. Now those are people who know how to prioritize. The business was booming, but they closed because they felt that with their other site they no longer had enough time for their family. How can I slight them for closing for such a good excuse? It stinks though, because good pizza is a limited commodity around here. We are trying a new place today. I will let you know how it goes.

This feels like a lot of drivel, but I am gonna hit “publish” anyway. I’ve been sitting for about fifteen minutes trying to think of something more to write…” ARGH!” is all I came up with.





6 thoughts on “This is Far Less Stream of Conciousness and More Just-Plain Chattiness

  1. NO, it’s not drivel; it’s just life as it happens. Lots of gutsy-challenging and sometimes not so great. Or in your case, lots of not-to-great moments. Just keep living, and taking it all slowly. And keep writing. What’s drivel to you may be insightful to some of us.

    Blessings and Bear hugs, too!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You have actually written quite a bit this week for being “blocked,” but I know you’re wanting to write something of deeper substance. Keep up this habit and I suspect you’ll hit on it in time. I liked your comment “you don’t really move on from losing a spouse…”. I think to often we have a cavalier attitude of “get over it” about major losses in our lives, and so many of them do come with peripheral issues. Maybe we just “learn to live with” as best we can, as I believe you have done. Loss changes us forever, there is no going back, but we still go on, because it’s what life is about, journeying on. How fun to get to “phone meet” a WWF partner. I often wonder “who are these people” that I play on a regular basis, yet I just don’t have more time to invest in finding a great deal out, and that frustrates me because there are real people behind those words and scores! I hope you get to meet up with her real life too. New friends are fun surprises! 🙂
    from Josie’s Journal


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