Random Is As Random Does

20130803_110304Random has become part of the cure…if there is a such a thing for writer’s block. I propose we have a telethon. It could be hosted by John le Carre and Stephen King and maybe JK Rowling. I have included le Carre because I haven’t read any of his stuff and events like this always leave me wondering why certain people were chosen to host them. Apparently I’m narcissistic enough to think that if I haven’t been interested in them then no one has.


Conversations today:

social worker in crisis dept: “I saved three people from the hospital today.”

“I thought I heard you hit four people with your car? So the fourth one made it huh?”

“F*** you.”


“You feeling okay today?”

“Yeah I just look depressed cuz my chair broke.”

“Wow, that’s what’s upsetting you?”

“No,  I mean it broke and sunk to the lowest setting, so I kinda have to slump to sit at my desk and it makes me look depressed. See, I’m ridiculously happy! ”  He slaps on a stupid smile.


My friend Peyton is about 6’3″ tall and in his forties. After his wife died, he moved back in with his parents so they could help with his daughter while he completed his master’s degree. After graduation, he and his daughter moved to California. He is very devoted to his parents who ironically (for his height) are little people. As a gift for their wedding anniversary he offered to have their home renovated ,as they had always felt things needed to be at an average height to accommodate him. Pey came home this week for Mother’s Day . He hadn’t seen the renovations yet. I got a call his second night home.

“Hey, you think Amelia and I could stay with you for a couple of days?”

“Sure what’s up? Everything  with your parents okay?

“Oh yeah, they’re great! As a matter of fact they want you to come over for dinner some night while I’m home.”

“Sure, so what’s up?”

“I know I was the one who pushed them to renovate, but now I get why they held off. I suspect this is what it would be like to live in Barbie’s Dream House. ”


All week I have been using the line about drowning in a sea of paperwork.

I wonder what it would be like to actually drown in paper.

I think I’m gonna be able to report back on that by the end of the week.


12 thoughts on “Random Is As Random Does

  1. You’re too hilarious, Ivy! I love you so much that I think you should be President–seriously!!! I’ll be laughing all day about the Barbie Dream House…I actually had one, so I know how small it is… xxoo, Stella


  2. I loved the sinking chair effect, I had one that used to do that, and soon you’d find yourself with your armpits resting on the desktop! My second husband wasn’t tall and came from a family of short stature, much of their house was scaled to that and when we visited I felt like a giant in the land of Munchkins. Ahh yes, I liken the pile of paperwork on the credenza behind me, as a mountain threatening to avalanche, and one day staff will gaze at the heap covering my desk and wonder where I went! Remember when we first were told that having computers was going to simplify our lives and jobs? Not quite the way it worked out. Now we just have the capacity to do a hundred times more things with the data we collect, and I wonder how we lived without all that, though I must say that I prefer electronic files to those nightmare cabinets jammed to the max with bulging folders! If you start to drown, send up a flare, that just might come back down and eliminate the problem altogether! 🙂


    1. I love the idea of a flare….no one could slight me then for asking for help and then an unforseeable accident occurs… oh well…right???? I have major avalanches that I have spent serious time cleaning out this year which has allowed me to take this step that is currently resulting in massive paper pushing but there will be an end …. I just cant see it yet.


  3. btw
    (not gonna jinx it, but your W*****’s B***k? almost under-mined completely! have always been of the opin that it (the self-imposed-resistance-to-pleasing-wordular-arrangements) is mostly hyper self critiquing.
    It’s like…… er… it’s as if the sky….. er as ……


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