I’ve been lamenting how stuck I’ve felt for the past few years. Last week I mentioned that I was working even harder to get unstuck, because I hadn’t realized that when I couldn’t figure out how to pry myself out of this rut, that I had actually given up. Someone had the guts to tell me that, and I really appreciated it. I came to the conclusion that a series of really serious losses had left me feeling bereft of any solutions. Some of those losses have been to my physical status and truly restrict what I can and can’t do but, I need to get unstuck if I am to enjoy the remainder of any time I have on this earth. I may have to modify how I do it, but I don’t have to be bored , or overwhelmed and frustrated.
Many people have asked what the plan is. I’ve decided to play the “unstuck project” close to the vest because through no one’s fault, I get frustrated when people (although well meaning) don’t understand that just because you’ve been given a limited time frame, you can’t just do anything you want. At times, I have a short fuse so I try my best to avoid setting myself up for agitation. Last week people gave me great answers to my question. I’ve found that if I reframe the now cliche question, I can get answers I need. You know the question? “If you were told you only had so much time left what would you spend it doing?” So many people say things like stop work or world tours… just cuz you don’t have time, doesn’t mean you all of a sudden have money. It’s not like blindness where all your other senses become stronger. Unfortunately, I get frustrated with the things people say and I have to curb my attitude… so I stay quiet instead. I often get a lot of heat for that because I’m lucky enough to have good friends who care about me, and want to help, or share in what I’m going through. It’s a real balancing act. BUT if that’s a problem … it’s a pretty good one to have.
While I have spoken to a few people about my plans I haven’t told anyone everything because not only am I not ready to, but I don’t know that I even know what has to change. I have identified six areas of intervention. Like I said, I’m really not ready to share too much, but will share area number one. Work: When I found out how ill I was, I changed careers to something that would take less physical energy than physical therapy. I’m now a psychotherapist. I can and want to remain working. But, I am pretty frustrated at work because while I love my work, for a mess of reasons I am not currently all that crazy about my job. BUT I could be if I could be there less. SO I made a decision to go back to part-time private practice. For those in the know it is a labor intensive project. There are many steps regarding insurance both client and liability, there is office space, there is rent, there is billing, there is …. anyhow just in order to panel with insurance companies so that I can take insurance individually there are about twenty things you have to put together and then fill out applications…its about a three-month process once you apply. I hired someone to help me with this and billing because the whole unstuck thing is about reducing stress. Yup, spending money I don’t have is stressful, but it’s the lesser of the evils. I shared this idea with a friend in the biz and he offered me some office space. I called in some referrals and things should be okay in this department.
I’m sure you’ve picked up on it, but just in case … there’s a ton of gratitudes in there… meanwhile, even though I was hellbent on reducing stress…
LIFE HAD ANOTHER IDEA…
My phone completely died and I have been without one for over a week. We can’t get a landline where I live. So I finally replaced the phone yesterday. Until then I was making calls from my office at work or through my computer. Thank God for technology because….
Doug woke up on Monday quite incapacitated from having had a stroke in the night. I was really afraid for him (and myself). I was willing to do what needed to be done if it meant he was in pain, but the vet thought we could give him 24 hours and see what he could recuperate. Monday, he couldn’t stand or walk. He slept nonstop. He couldn’t bark and was wheezing pretty badly when he breathed. Tuesday he woke up and stood up. We went outdoors and he needed to be carried up and down stairs, but he walked quite a bit and even managed to take a swipe at the neighbors cat. Wednesday, he was able to walk, do stairs, bark at the neighbors cat and go out to the chicken coop with me. Many thanks go out to my other non-cat-owning neighbors who helped by taking him to the salon so I could go to work and he would have supervision all day. This was Wednesday afternoon when he was able to jump up on furniture again. By Thursday afternoon he was doing the poodle dance when I came home. He is a bit more confused, but it is minimal, and he is happy and feeling good and eating like a horse. And thank goodness he is, because by Thursday morning life was at it again.
The first person I called with my new phone was my elderly mother. We spent Thursday in the hospital because of CHF and having broken her back in two places. She was in agony. She is also improving. Not unlike me she isn’t big on sharing a ton, so nuff said. But rest assured that may be the brief rendition, but life was not done yet… later that evening while heading out to the chicken coop I stepped on a ground nest of bees. (at least they didnt sting me in the head forcing me to make a public spectacle of myself! Poor Christine!) I had stepped on one years ago in bare feet . I got over 40 stings then… this time not so bad… maybe between 5-10 stings. I am not allergic which is the blessing as well.
So y’know, it’s been a hectic week. BUT everyone is on the mend. Christine didn’t sustain any head trauma,my leg, while itchy is no longer painful. And I have already started and am ready to move on to another phase of the “unstuck project.” Life will go on…
Hey don’t forget the 20th is the last day for contest entries!