Tempered by Fire
Most people like to think that anger is a thing that fires off without warning. The notion allows us to believe that we have little control over our own reactions in an infuriating situation, when in reality we are the only ones with any power at all. It’s not unlike lighting a match; it seems like it sparks 0 to 100 in nothing flat, but really you had to pull it from the book. You touched it to the sandpaper and heard that raspy sound it makes before the ‘whoosh’ sound as the flame appears. What I’m saying is, you got pissed off (pulled the match) and then you chose to react (whoosh!). We all boil at different degrees, but we can be careful about how much we stoke the fire.
Recording Life Under the radar 
Frist.
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YES MA’AM you are!
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Slowing it down and analyzing each step of an emotional reaction (anger) can show the deliberateness of the “whoosh”. But it often only happens in hindsight, unfortunately. I really like this story as a way of looking inside ourselves.
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true about the hindsite… as a therapist Ive worked long and hard to teach some how to at least slow down the extreme responses…(myself included….in a big way.)
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I tend to boil at a very low temperature …
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I can be a serious hot head. I am surprised to hear you boil easily…..
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Problem is, sometimes that fire feels good. I get so angry, I don’t want to control it. I want the person to know just how much their behavior bothers me. I can be the most patient person, but sometimes…not so much. I have to keep telling myself that absolutely nothing good comes from a tirade.
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The tirade is a funny thing… it feels great in the short term but in the long term ya feel like an idiot for losing your s***. But in my eyes the real reason it doesn’t work is cuz if your anything like me when youre getting yelled at (justly or not) Im not listening to you, IM thinking of the next thing IM gonna say!
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What an excellent post! Well thought out; very well written.
I think I see a Pulitzer prize in your future. Or is that a Pulletzer prize for your hens? (Thing are a bit cloudy on the horizon.)
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Well , Thank you kind fuzzy sir! Around here it is most def. Pullet or poodlet….
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Agreed! I think I like that second sentence the best. Approaching a frustrating situation with a cool head usually results in a better outcome, too.
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Thanks , Kristi. Its not easy but after years of practice I like to think Im at least a little better at it than I used to be.
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This is true, but I struggle to remember it.
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Doesn’t everyone? I dont think I will ever do it automatically.
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I let my anger be known today and it cost me a facebook friend. But I will not stand by whilst prejudices are turned into jokes. So I guess she met her match.
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Bummer /not bummer…..just sorry these things happen.
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Definitely words to live by!
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🙂
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So often in our anger we say things that shouldn’t be said, sadly there are rarely opportunities to take them back. We need to learn to think before we lash out at other people. Sometimes in trying to avert one evil we create another. The ends never justifies the means.
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I used to have a teacher in high school who taught that the end never justifies the means as the main tenet of his theology class… I thought he was a dork back then… be careful what you reject… He was very right.
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