This week was stage three of the “Unsticking Project.” My intention was to go into my walk in closet and face some old memories. My hope was to restore order to the otherwise chaotic space that was housing my deceased partner’s things and thereby chase out some of the chaos in my own head. It’s been two years since we got news that he and his brother may have been killed, but we still don’t know as they have never been found. If I knew then would I have agreed with ” Yes, of course you have to leave and find your brother” ? Yeah , I think I would have. We both knew it was a risk.
His brother had a severe developmental delay and unfortunately had been left alone by his mother’s untimely death in their Tibetan village (not unlike a third world country but with a vicious military presence.) It was an impossible situation. If we had known they would have been killed would either of us had said ” You have to go, I understand” ? Either way it was a death sentence for his brother. At least this way I have the comfort of hoping that when he died, my partner was satisfied to be comforting his brother, who did not die alone and terrified.
PROGRESS:
- STAGE 1 : DONE AND STILL IN PLACE AND WORKING
- STAGE 2: MY PART IS DONE AND I AM AWAITING NEWS THAT WILL ALLOW ME TO MOVE INTO THE NEXT STEP OF THIS GOAL
- STAGE 3: PHYSICALLY DONE. EMOTIONALLY – WORKING ON IT.
- STAGE 4: STAY TUNED!
***And a stillness was layed out upon the land. It was purified and cleaned. Surfaces that had not been visible in years now appeared and Ivy saw that it was good. The memories though painful were lovely as well. And the Lord said ” Do not go forth to produce chaos and accumulate material things you no longer need, but instead work to nourish your soul” … (lol, I do hope God has a sense of humor… cuz, I still crack myself up!)
This is for FTSF and the cue was ” I wish I knew.” 
Recording Life Under the radar 
Oh Ivy, this is heart-wrenching.
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Im starting to resign myself to it…. its been a while… thanks, Valida.
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The not knowing must be very difficult.
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Well, I do believe that God does have a sense of humor and your last bit cracked me up too. Although sigh. All of the things. You know? Your table looks good all cleared off and it must feel sortof (???) good to have done the closet and everything? Still, utterly heartbreaking. Weenibutt hugs. Lots and lots.
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Its nice to know I dont just make myself laugh although I suspect most of the time that’s how it is! I feel okay about the closet. I thought I would feel better but…. I kept things that really were meaningful to me and let the other stuff go… surprisingly they were the little things like scraps of paper that he may have written something on or a doodle or something that I really clung to… thanks Weenie… xo
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I have no doubt God has a sense of humor. Our youngest proves it. 🙂
You are doing a great job with the unsticking. It isn’t easy, but it is worth it. Can you feel the stress leaving your shoulders (or wherever you hold your stress)?
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Well he does have impeccable timing! At the risk of sounding like a self serving kvetch… nope… I think Im feeling more stressed… I do like the house being clean and orderly again though. I really have to think out the next step as it is now becoming more obscure and less tangible. I think that’s what’s stressing me… the unknown stuff…
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You have done hard work here. I’m not good at it, but i agree, we do think that we need to do physical cleaning and moving to help our emotional/spiritual/what-not as well. I hope that clearing this space brings you a bit of peace and space for yourself.
And aslo – thank you for sharing this story with FTSF because it helped clarify some bits I need to do, too. 🙂
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OH Im happy it helped. Its a tough story… I tend to rattle it off quickly…
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Whoa. Hi. My husband died 18 years ago and I just cleaned out the filing cabinet a few months ago. I went through all of the cards folks sent to me. Kept the meaningful ones and pitched the rest. It was time. I salute you and send you a jumbo hug for all that you are going through now.
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Thank you. I suspect 18 years from now barring not being here… I will be there…ie cleaning things out still. 🙂
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To recall a famous quote from the inimitable Yogi Berra: “It ain’t over ’til it’s over.” Neither the cleaning not the grieving.
Blessings and Bear hugs from “up North.”
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Do you think all bears quote Mr. Berra? Thanks so much Mr. Bear!
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I Bearly knew Lawrence Peter Berra myself. I doubt other Canadian Bears would know much more. American Bears, maybe. Especially Chicago Cubs or Chicago Bears.
BTW, besides being a catcher and manager for the Yankees, Yogi also played right field? So, there you go. Eh?
One other thing. William Hanna and Joseph Barbera had their fun with Yogi Bear, supposedly stealing the image and name from the famous baseballer. I wonder if the really Yogi ever visited Jellystone, I mean Yellowstone, National park.
BBh
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You’re facing bravely a difficult task. I’ve not been in exactly the same position that you’re in, but I admire the way that you are resolutely tackling some hard and emotional jobs. Please do work to nourish your soul!!
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Next step is the soul … promise.
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I could really relate to this. This has been a weekend of purging and sorting and unexpected memories.
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Such a beautiful and heart felt post. I cannot imagine such a thing, but my hubs would have done the same. Wishing you all of the best!
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